Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
