my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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