Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
