things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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