I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
