Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
