Quick, to the slutcave!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
