People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
