member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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