I think I died a long time ago.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
