AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
