i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
