worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
