Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
