There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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