whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
