i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
