the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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