Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
