Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize