he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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