Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's the barista slut.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
