you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When did angry sex become our thing?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
