bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize