At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
