you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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