So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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