Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize