She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
