I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
