Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
