Pregnant stripper...not hot.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
