ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
