I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
