yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
