I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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