I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
