How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
