I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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