I think I won the penis lottery.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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