god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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