At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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