I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
