Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize