I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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