someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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