I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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