I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
