shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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