I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
