I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i will never coherently bang her
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
