I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
