AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
