SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
