I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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