Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
