i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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