Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
