so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
