is your mom at the bar?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
