Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
