pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
