Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize