Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
