from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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