New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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