Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
