so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
