We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
