if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize