you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
