My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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