I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
