I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
