I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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