Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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