Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
