yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
