Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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