When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
