is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
