Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize