and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
