Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
