allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
