Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
