If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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