I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
