Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
