just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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