Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
