The maid of honor just puked.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The uberlube is also flammable
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize