I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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