so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
