I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
