I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
