he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
