So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
