what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
