saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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